Lies of an Honest Man

The highs and lows of such an insignificant human being in a world full of other insignificant human beings.

Monday, December 04, 2006

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.

Song of the Moment: Acceptance - Different

Write 15 things about 15 seperate people, but don't name them. They can be things you were too shy to tell people, things you wish you could tell them, or things you hate about them. Anything.

1. I could love you if you could stop being better than me.

2. I hope that one day you would open up and let loose.

3. Sometimes I think you are gay.

4. you too.

5. I will never understand why you go for guys that are not good enough for you.

6. I love hanging out with you the most but it doesn't seem mutal.

7. If I could marry you, I would.

8. Although I'm not as social as I used to be, I thank God that I met you this semester.

9. Sometimes I would love for you to walk all over someone like everyone does to you.

10. Just have sex, it's not that big of a deal.

I love you but you are more fun when you are single. I forgive you though.

12. Sometimes I wish I was you because you can get away with a lot.

13. I don't understand why you dumped her.

14. For some odd reason, I just don't like you even though I have no reason not to.

15. You are so fun but you are so wierd or maybe just gay.

Yours truly, Ramon

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Your promises, they look like lies

Song of the Moment: 30 Seconds to Mars - Attack

I think the greatest flaw we all possess is the lack of ability to realize what many of them are. I don't mean the physical characteristics, the occasional outburst of drama one may cause, or even the lack of motivation to do things you want to do. Many of us don't communicate they we should especially in situations where someone's heart may be on the line. I've witnessed plenty of situations where two people could completely live a happy and fulfilling life together but sometimes are bogged down with pride and insecurities. I have my share of too much pride and insecurities and to think all that energy that one wastes by being insecure they could spend on something more worthwhile.

Sometimes people have so much expectations for others to be a certain way that they forget that these people are human beings and human beings are not perfect and never will be. Some of you may not even understand what I may babbling about because of course if you read the first line then that is why. I'm guilty of wanting something from someone even though I can't provide it myself. Not physical, not monetary, just emotional, mental, and spiritual. As complex as dating can be or even just life in general can be, when boiled down to the bare minimums, it's as simple as an action and an opposite and equal reaction.

Yours Truly, Ramon

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Your dark defines your light

Song of the Moment: Chronic Future - Time and Time Again

My lack of updates have been due to the fact that I've been studying, working, and going to class from literally the break of dawn til midnight for the last few days. Thursday night, a bunch of us went to Applebees to take advantage of the half priced appetizers and the 2 for 1 drinks. Later that night at about 2 am, a few of us decided to go to Clearwater Beach. I lost my sandals and I got bit a million times by God knows what. I have a crap ton of bites all over me now.

Last night, it was Joe's birthday and a bunch of the guys went out to Cityside and Chambers to get our drink on and to get our dance on too. I've never actually been to Chambers before and I must agree with some people that they say I'm not missing much. It was still fun though and I ran into a few peeps I haden't seen in a while.

*Group Photo

*Me with Jasin and Jason.

*Armando, Joe, and I

Always, Ramon

Sunday, September 24, 2006

You need me like a bad habit

Song of the Moment: Taking Back Sunday - One-Eighty By Summer

This weekend I went home to see my family since it was my mother's birthday. I saw a bunch of my parents' friends who say that they haven't seen me in over a year. I don't go home that often and when I do, it's for a very short period of time.

That night I went out with Jamie Caro, whom I haven't seen in about 3 years, and met up with Ashley and Manu, another set of peeps I haven't seen in a long time. We went out to Boomers so we can karaoke and play some pool. Coincidentally I ran into a highschool teacher, Ms. Ortenzio, that I used to
have back in the day. She said she now feels old because we are old enough to drink with her.

Before we left boomers, I asked a lady to take a group picture of us. She replied with, "Are you sure you really want a picture of ya'll at Boomers?". I said, "Sure, I'm not from here anyways." She conveniently replied with, "Are you kidding me, I've known you since you were a little kid. Don't tell me you aren't from here, you can't get that past me." I told her since I haven't lived in Port Charlotte for a few years, I just say that I'm from Tampa. This town is still way too small for me. It was a funny experience though. The one time I actually thought I could get away by saying that I wasn't from that god-forsaken town, it didn't work. Good times.
*Ashley, Manu, Me, Jamie

We left Boomers and headed on over to Harpoon Harry's, the place I got kicked out of once before for being underage. It was actually quite fun and I danced like it was going out of fashion. I also ran into Jennifer Torres and Ray Chumbley who have 2 kids together now. Ray also teaches geometry at PCHS now. It's so wierd how everyone is growing up.* Me and Jen

Always, Ramon

Friday, September 22, 2006

Find my shade by the moon light

Song of the Moment: Godsmack - VooDoo

The other day I watched Flavor of Love for a little bit before I retired for the evening. I don't watch that much television because of the lack of quality shows and for the fact that my schedule varies so much from week to week that it is hard to keep up with shows. Flavor of Love doesn't really qualify for quality TV but it can become entertaining sometimes.

For those of you who have been living under a rock and who don't know what the show is about, it is basically "The Bachelor" with a little hip hop twist to it in which the lucky Bachelor is the ever so charming (sarcasm*), Flavor Flav.

In this particular episode, Mr. Flav sent home a young individual, nicknamed Nibblez, because she wouldn't be a good role model for his children for the fact that she was a stripper. Isn't that ironic how a man who has children with his divorced wife and who gets to sleep around with multiple women so that he can ultimately choose one sent home a girl who shakes her booty for money? I think he really should worrying about if he is being a good role model for his own kids. But then again all these celebrities with big heads, literally and figuratively, don't understand why their children sometimes grow up to be even more fucked up then us normal folk.

In other news, I'm still fairly sick. I feel a little better than I have been the last couple days and my chest doesn't hurt as much and I'm not so congested. I'm still feeling a little nauseated because of all the medication. I don't like taking pills and I don't like taking medication so when I actually do take some, I start feeling like I'm going to puke.

I'm going home to Port Charlotte tomorrow for my mother's birthday. I'm yet to figure out what to get her because she is so fickle in what she likes. I haven't seen my siblings and my niece and nephew in a long time either so I'll be glad to see them.

Always, Ramon

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Life limped along at sub-sonic speeds

Song of the Moment: President of the USA - Lump

There is so much pressure in our society to find that right person to date, to marry, and spend the rest of their lives with. I know of someone who was very dissatisfied with the relationship they were in but couldn't end it because she wanted to wait until she found someone else to replace him with.

I must admit that I can be slightly sympathetic in that situation but I don't understand how someone can compromise their own happiness just so that they can continually be in a relationship. Then again, the few relationships I've had never lasted very long anyways and I haden't been in one since Febuary. Although I do miss having that warm body next to me, I also appreciate the space that I have and the independence I have.

My relationships aren't ones to base any others on because they have been relationships with people who have taken advantage of me and have broken the trust that was there. I think if people looked at the world with more of an open mind and realize how great life is, then all this fuss about relationships wouldn't be so stressful and confusing. If people would just appreciate life for what it is then trust wouldn't be something someone would have to challenge.

Always, Ramon

Monday, September 18, 2006

Don't try to push your luck, just get out of my way

Song of the Moment: AC/DC - Back in Black

It has been a rather mixed day of emotions. Tonight, I officially ended my friendship with my long time friend, Rahil. Renan and I have been discussing the substance of our friendship with him and it has been very little. It has been to the point where I believe I could be much better without him. Many who are friends with him have had surface friendships with him and don't really mind the quirks, the selfishness, and the indecency if only taken in small doses. But when a deep and long term friendship is just based on superficiality then it will ultimately not work. When I say I don't want to speak for a long time, I think it will be for at least a few years or until he grows up and acts his own age, ditches the drugs, ditches the heavy drinking, and ditches the selfcentered behavior.

I have never been so stressed out about someone as I have with Rahil. When you compare him to the rest of the people I am friends with it is a wonder why I have remained friends with him for so long. My friends are laidback, fun loving people who are willing to do anything for you. They are people who aren't selfcontained and not always needing to prove someting to the world. Renan and I have never felt such frustration with someonelse the way we do with Rahil.

For several weeks, I avoided contact with him and didn't return calls as did Renan. I felt kind of bad for not giving him a reason and not explaining how I felt. Tonight I got the chance to speak my mind and finally tell him all the reasons for the lack of contact and the continuing lack of contact. I feel better now that I let it all out and now there is no confusion to what is going on.

It had been a really hard decision to do this and I've given it a lot of thought. I just truly believe that I can be a better and more productive person now. I wish him all the best and hopefully I will talk to him one day as an adult and not as a child.

The following is the conversation I had with him on the internet. I started off rather stubborn and short tempered but it was only to transition into the final say.

whizkid 2002: yo
Sictodastomic: hi
whizkid 2002: what have you been up lately
Sictodastomic: que?
whizkid 2002: whats going on in your life...
Sictodastomic: school work internship
whizkid 2002: i havent talked to ya in a while just want to know whats up
Sictodastomic: thats pretty much it, I've been all over the place
whizkid 2002: you been pretty busy
Sictodastomic: yeah
whizkid 2002: school sucks for me this semester...have to go to class every day
whizkid 2002: sucks
Sictodastomic: gotcha
whizkid 2002: and weve got quizzes like youve never seen every freakin class has a quiz and i have 6 class
Sictodastomic: i see
whizkid 2002: and theyre all due on different days at different times its a nightmare trying to keep it all in last night i was laying in bed and i thought to myself if i took the nutrition quiz that was like rules your life
Sictodastomic: well it is grad school
Sictodastomic: life isnt always a party
whizkid 2002: it sucks cause its so hard to find parking and you gotta walk a good distance and its for one class everyday
Sictodastomic: you should consider leaving earlier
whizkid 2002: sucks on friday cuase thats all i have until 4pm
whizkid 2002: to get parking you gotta like get to school at like 830
whizkid 2002: thats waaay to early to like guarantee a spot otherwise you just have to be lucky to get stop thats like 15 min walking distance to class or you park across campus and take the bus which takes like 30 min
whizkid 2002: sucky
Sictodastomic: i see
whizkid 2002: what did you do this weekend?
Sictodastomic: class
Sictodastomic: worked
Sictodastomic: went out
whizkid 2002: you still at gap?
Sictodastomic: yeah
Sictodastomic: one day a week
whizkid 2002: did you get another job?
Sictodastomic: yeah
whizkid 2002: you like it?
Sictodastomic: yeah, i make good money
whizkid 2002: do you work with people you know?
Sictodastomic: yeah
whizkid 2002: makes the time go by a lot faster
Sictodastomic: i guess
whizkid 2002: are you constantly busy
Sictodastomic: sometimes
whizkid 2002: do you have good hours
Sictodastomic: 3 days a week
Sictodastomic: its serving so i dont need that many hours
whizkid 2002: thats tight
whizkid 2002: serving is fun
Sictodastomic: yep
whizkid 2002: i like the restaurant atmosphere
Sictodastomic: coo
Sictodastomic: its fun
whizkid 2002: what are you doing next next weekend?
Sictodastomic: goign home for my moms birthday
whizkid 2002: whens your moms bday
Sictodastomic: 23rd
whizkid 2002: oh okay
whizkid 2002: isnt that this weekend?
Sictodastomic: yep
whizkid 2002: but you going the weekend after that
Sictodastomic: no
Sictodastomic: i'm going this weekend
whizkid 2002: oh okay
whizkid 2002: what are you doing the following weekend
Sictodastomic: working
whizkid 2002: fri and sat?
Sictodastomic: i work fri nights
Sictodastomic: at the restuarant
Sictodastomic: and sundays at gap
Sictodastomic: and sometimes they schedule me on sat if they need me
whizkid 2002: oh sucky....
Sictodastomic: its the only time i can work
Sictodastomic: i have class and internship during the week
whizkid 2002: i want to come to tampa to celebrate my bday
Sictodastomic: ok
whizkid 2002: what are you doing first weekend in october like the 6-7
Sictodastomic: same thing, nothing changes
whizkid 2002: we have homecoming that weekend so i have an extra day
Sictodastomic: i work and go to school
whizkid 2002: can you get like fri night off
Sictodastomic: for what
whizkid 2002: so we can go out
Sictodastomic: why
whizkid 2002: do you get out late on fri?
Sictodastomic: 11
whizkid 2002: oh thats tight so you still have time to go out afterwards
Sictodastomic: but i dont want to deal with your drunkeness anymore
whizkid 2002: i havent been out in a while
whizkid 2002: ive been taking it slow
Sictodastomic: i'm sure you go out in gville
whizkid 2002: now that im back i like to just go to somones house and just have a small group over and hang out
whizkid 2002: i dont like going out out as much as i like just chillin at someones house
whizkid 2002: its a lot cheaper too
Sictodastomic: i didnt say i was tired of going out
Sictodastomic: i said i was tired of your drunkeness
whizkid 2002: and no one has to drive anywhere either
Sictodastomic: i still go out
whizkid 2002: you wont have to worry about my drunkeness its my birthday i actually want to be the sober one
Sictodastomic: riiiight
whizkid 2002: i want to see everyone else get fucked up
Sictodastomic: ive heard it before
whizkid 2002: im going drink a little just nothing out of the ordinary
Sictodastomic: riiight
Sictodastomic: heard it before
whizkid 2002: i want to be able to still remember the night
Sictodastomic: youve lost my trust in those situations already
whizkid 2002: ok so if we i came down and we just hung out youd be fine with it
Sictodastomic: i dont think i even want to hang out with you anymore
Sictodastomic: trust is a valuable thing
Sictodastomic: and you tampered with it
Sictodastomic: and you probably wont understand it because thats who you are
Sictodastomic: and you don't get things like that
Sictodastomic: but we arent the same anymore
whizkid 2002: you dont ever wanna hang out?
Sictodastomic: youve had plenty of chances to prove that you couldnt be a douche bag and yet you havent
whizkid 2002: we can still be friends
Sictodastomic: i dont know
Sictodastomic: i'm pretty stress free without you to worry about anymore
whizkid 2002: it was that stressful to hang out with me?
Sictodastomic: to me, yes
whizkid 2002: you didnt have any a good time when we hung out?
Sictodastomic: sometimes
Sictodastomic: most times no
whizkid 2002: so like if im ever in tampa would you wanna hang out still?
Sictodastomic: probably not
whizkid 2002: youre serious?
Sictodastomic: yes
whizkid 2002: did you just decide this one day
Sictodastomic: no
Sictodastomic: its been an ongoing thing
Sictodastomic: finally built up to the cocoa beach weekend
whizkid 2002: was it cocoa beach mainly
whizkid 2002: or was that the last straw
Sictodastomic: last straw
Sictodastomic: whats funny is that i would give you the benefit of the doubt and expect you to be better and you just ended being worst then the previous occasion
Sictodastomic: up until cocoa beach
whizkid 2002: cocoa beach, dude that was a little much i agree
Sictodastomic: but it didnt have to happen
Sictodastomic: noone else was like that
Sictodastomic: except you
Sictodastomic: noone else pukes
Sictodastomic: except you
Sictodastomic: noone else is late
Sictodastomic: except you
Sictodastomic: noone else is cursing up a storm for no reason
Sictodastomic: except you
Sictodastomic: you see a pattern?
whizkid 2002: yeah im a fuck up, i get it
Sictodastomic: but you are an adult
Sictodastomic: you arent 14
Sictodastomic: noone is holding your hand
Sictodastomic: noone is always going to have your back
Sictodastomic: act your fucking age
Sictodastomic: be considerate of other people
Sictodastomic: dont be a fucking douche bag
Sictodastomic: you piss me off soo much
Sictodastomic: and noone ever pisses me off as much as you do
Sictodastomic: even if its just regular hanging out
Sictodastomic: sober
Sictodastomic: its like you think you are better than everyone else
Sictodastomic: its like you always have something to prove
whizkid 2002: dude theres no way i think im better than everyone else
Sictodastomic: dude but you fucking act like it
Sictodastomic: you are so snotty
Sictodastomic: and if you dont see it, then thats problem 1
Sictodastomic: i'm fucked up too
Sictodastomic: i know the stupid shit i do
Sictodastomic: and i try
Sictodastomic: sometimes i fail
Sictodastomic: sometimes i dont
Sictodastomic: in any case
Sictodastomic: i have a lot of homework to do
Sictodastomic: and i gotta get going
Sictodastomic: and by the way
Sictodastomic: i dont know if you will ever get a chance to talk to renan, he feels the same way
Sictodastomic: but i dont know if you will ever get a chance to talk to him
whizkid 2002: what happeend to him
Sictodastomic: he feels the same way about you dude
Sictodastomic: its not just me
Sictodastomic: i gotta go
Sictodastomic: have a good one

...and there it goes. The once great triumvirate is now something of the past. I feel slight guilt of this all but it is ultimately a decision made to make my life happier and more productive.

Goodnight all. I'll see you in the morning.

Always, Ramon